OMG OMG OMG. I just got back from the movie theater, and I know people say that sequels are not as good as originals, but Time Crisis 3 carries on the series properly.

Oh yeah, and Matrix Reloaded was pretty good, too. I hope to compose a look into that phenomenon this weekend. Having now actually just seen the movie for the first time, and having spent countless hours with the game I can say that it genuinely is confusing. It's not just me. Phew.

I was at the theater on Wednesday evening to watch X2 with some friends, and of course hundreds of people were lined up, waiting to see The Matrix Reloaded. I must aadmit that I was tempted to yell out, "Trinity dies!", but fortunately tact prevailed. Plus a lot of them were wearing trenchcoats, so they were probably armed.

Today I'm going to see Reloaded myself finally. Plus I get to do so on the clock. Yeeee-ah.

Oh yeah, and X2 was quite good. I don't know why Bobby didn't just freeze the lake though.


Now, I am certainly one for base humor. I am convinced that there is a funny side to everything. There is something funny to be found at every spectrum of taste, but when you go for the more taboo stuff, you must carefully evaluate the risk being taken. The potential for humor increases as the risk of absolute failure increases as well.

I guess blaring air horns at golfers is okay, especially Type-A personality golfers who chuck golf clubs at the offenders, since those people are able to sign releases and waivers. The scenes with the Panda-suits and the giant traffic cone in Japan were clever and amusing (It's odd that a crowd in Japan seems to react less freaked out by such odd behavior than one would believe Americans would). However, there are also scenes in which they fuck around with animals. Such as a man walking a rightrope over a pool of alligators with a scarp of raw chicken stuck in his undies. There is also a scene in which the Jackass crew learns that sea cucumbers, when threatened, will spurt out a stringy white fluid (actually, it's them spewing out their stomach lining.) and promptly dive, place one in front of their crotch and jack it off until it spurts out the stuff, so that it looks like the jackass is masturbating. Now, watching the film, you see that this guy is really beating the shit out of this sea cucumber. I mean, I pull the pud pretty vigorously sometimes too, but this fool must have a medical problem or something if that's how he goes about it.

I was curious as to what exactly was going on in this scene with the seac cucumber, since I figured that if they were really harming it, some authority would not have allowed the scene to be filmed. The American Humane Society's web site reports that they were not present for the filming of this scene, which was shot in Japan, and thus presumably manages to circumvent American standards for animal treatment in films. Furthermore the site states that if they had been present, they would not have allowed this scene to be shot.

So, filmed entertainment can now consist of men torturing live animals for the sake of a masturbation sight-gag. It really makes one wonder what sort of things are not being shown in the movie. Like, do they just give those guys a camera, a six pack of Steel Reserve, and the license to go and do whatever they want, and then pick and choose what they can actually show in the film and on the show? Like, are there tapes in MTV's warehouse of this crew sticking firecrackers up cat's asses or anything like that?

You know, it would have been funnier and far more clever to rig up a sea-cucumber dick-puppet and slap it over one's penis to actually beat off on camera and make it appear as though one were faking beating off into the camera, even though one actually IS beating off into the camera. Then you could get a real "gotcha" on the MPAA who would then rate what essentially a porn film as R, and we could all have a good chuckle on that. The Jackassian humor shown though is typically too heavy-handed. Just because something is gross or dangerous or really really stupid doesn't mean there isn't room for subtlety, which is something that more refined shows such as South Park (Yeah, that's right, more refined shows such as South Park) have realized.

Don't get me wrong, I did laugh at the film and was impressed by some of the crap that they pulled, but in a sense it was just a kind of freak-you-out overload, and I lost interest and stopped watching after a while. That's just me though, If this is your sort of thing, that's great, knock yourself out. I just feel that if anyone is going to get beat in the name of humor, it should be the comedian or someone who can consent to it (such as Bam Margera'a parents, who, it was pointed out to me, live in a much larger house in the film than they did at the show's outset). There has been a lot of debate over how this show and others like it may be convincing kids to try outlandishly dangerous stunts of their own, despite the disclaimers plastered all over the film and show. I've said before that that is bunk and that if people are goign to let a few degenerates convince them to light themselves on fire, that's just fine. Same goes for anyone who takes such risks. And while I am glad that there are those among us who are willing to take risks for the sake of filming themselves doing it, but I also have little pity for people who do stupid shit and then die because of it. Maybe it's nature's way for these types of folks to come along at a time when the human race's own overpopulation is its biggest threat. I will personally be waiting for the day one of the Jackass crew snaps his neck while riding a hand-truck off a roof or in a forklift demolition derby or some such mishap. When that day comes, and that poor sea cucumber is avenged, my faith in natural selection will once again be reconfirmed.

Well, the game which consumed nearly every waking moment of my life for 3 months is out on shelves today. I'm pretty much giving the title away by mentioning this, but eh, so what. Okay, fine, it was Enter the Matrix, and if you'd heard how on our case they were about total secrecy, you'd know why I didn't want to mention it. Now that the game's out, though, I can tell you a few things you may not otherwise notice.

!!!!*OMG* !!SPOILERS!! *OMG*!!!

If you are playing it and you look hard enough, you'll find: The number 420, a Hence the Name billboard, and swordfighting cars. No that is not a typo.

We're being taken to see the film tomorrow, and even after spending so much damn time on the game, I am still really pumped to see the movie. Expect a full rundown of criticisms, complaints, and snide observations which will hopefully effectively mask my total psychedness for watching skin-tight leather-clad people fly around and kick each other, blow things up and shoot guns.


Dude, they busted Tommy Chong. Congratulations. I'm sure that was a really tough case to crack.



Customized license plate frames. I wanted to get one at the mall that said "Customized license plate frames / are never funny or cool.", but I have to admit I chickened out.

"Staff", "Event Staff", or "Security" T-shirts. Worn in a non-event setting, they make no sense. Worn in the context of an event, they just make you stand out as someone to be fucked with by the real security. A word to the wise, the efficacy of any given ploy is directly inversely proportional to the amount of people who attempt the ploy.

"What, you're coughing? MAYBE IT'S SARS!!!111LOL!!!!" I know it's a disease that's killed hundreds of people that you've never met, which is the basis for some pretty exxxtreme comedy, but the fact remains is that it was old and played out before it even began. The next time someone says that to me, I'm going to say, "Actually yes, I do have SARS!" and then I'm going to grab their head and blow my nose into their mouth.


"Hi, yeah... um... just these please... and uh... one of those milks from the cooler."
"Sure, can I see some I.D?"
"Ah, I left it in my car. It's cool, I'm old enough."
"I'm sure you are, but it's the law that I gotta see an I.D."
"C'mon man, gimme a break. I won't tell anybody."
"So, just the milk, then?"
"Fuck you, man. I'm not comin' here any more."
"Suit yourself."

!@! @!!!!! @@!!!

E3 is just about upon us, and though I will not be attending, a couple major titles on which I will be working are going to be shown there, so don't blame me for any bugs you find.

Although I'm sure it's fun to go and see all the incredible titles that the coming year holds, I think it would be more fun to take a peek at all the potential flop titles in the $5 per square foot booths. Gamerfeed reports that an Eminem Video Game will be on display. Apparently it's a music video video game. So now Eminem officially joins the ranks of Marky Mark, C+C Music Factory and Kriss Kross, all of the "Make my Video" series fame.

What you've never played those games? Oh, maybe it's because they FUCKING SUCKED. Chances are this will too, except maybe the music will be marginally better.

Spot the Typo 10: Wife charged in perfume plot vs. husband (AP)

Maybe I should start a mini-blog like Ernie's detailing these little journalistic editing mishaps.

So, in the next Terminator film, T3: Rise of the machines, the human resistance of the future once again sends back an old-model T-800 (which somehow has managed to age 20 years since its first appearance.) to do battle with yet another prototypical robotic killing machine sent into the past to kill John Connor. Last time it was the T-1000, but this time it's the T-X. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this mean that Ahnold will be battling the Terminator X?


Oh no wait... apparently the T-X is just a hybrid of the Endoskeleton-based T-800 and the melty-melty T-1000. On the plus side, she's a robo-babe. And you know what everyone has to do when they go back in time in the Terminator universe? That's right, get nekkid. Sweeeeeeet.