Did I mention that Wave Twisters is the pinnacle of human achievement? It's goign to go right up alongside Heavy Metal, Yellow Submarine, and The Wall of classic animated music films and classic stoner movies.

"She kicks high."

Well, I'm now the proud owner of Dead or Alive 2, which only cost me $10 as opposed to the 350-odd bucks it would take for me to get my hands on DOA3. But damned if that commercial for DOA3 ain't funny, and somehow sad. Really, female characters are all fine and dandy in a fighting game, but when I play a fighting game, I want good fighting. I'm sure all across America and beyond, people are working desperately to unlock all of the lady's costumes and virtually ignoring the guys.

Video game characters are simply not sexy. I'm sorry, but they're not. I've ranted about Lara Croft previously, and I stand by it. Most video game developers simply try to out sexify the competition is adding a couple of cup sizes to their female game characters. Sexiness is not directly related to breast size, people! Granted, it's great if a woman has a nice body, but without a sexy personality it's just a mannequin. The Dead or Alive characters are fucking stupid. They have pretty much zero personality and their dialogue consists solely of stuff like "I'm going to win this battle", or "Prepare for your destruction" pffffffffttttt.

The only ever sexy fighting game chick was Chun-Li, and that was because she was it. That was the first time I'd seen a fighting chick, so it was novel and new. Nowadays it's standard to include several big-tittied chick fighters in one's fighting game, and they're all pretty much indistinguishable. Once fighting game creators can come up with a woman with real personality (or anyone with a personality) then we'll talk. Until then it's a self-perpetuating cycle of game designers catering to a bunch of kids who think that all that matters in a woman is her body, and will grow up incapable of interacting with actual women. And then they'll just end up wacking off to more plastic game characters. Of course, then I guess all they're looking for a chick with a hot body who doesn't say much and is easily controlled.

A co-worker has advised me not to snort sweet-tarts.

You know, I don't think there's anything that's actually good to snort. A better piece of advice would be, "Don't put anything up your nose."