Sometimes I get the feeling that Subway's sandwich artists don't take their titles very seriously.


I spoke with Paris tonight, and I'm really worried about him. It seems he's starting playing GameCube, Animal Crossing specifically. I worry because I've seen people at work play this game. They test all morning, and spend their entire lunch break playing it. Then they test some more and start playing it again there at work after they finish. Every day, without fail, since it came out they do this. Hunched over their controllers, they moan, "The bells... The bells!".

People worry that violent video games will make people violent. I think games like this which are actually geared towards children (not that they're anything bad or creepy or weird about adults playing it all the time, no!) should be a much larger concern. Soon we'll have these kids entering society thinking that they can solve all their problems through collecting material possessions and digging holes all over the place.

At least with a game like Vice City, you are taught valuable lessons, such as the fact that people fear and respect you when you have a gun, and that fast cars are cool.


"God" may be "Dog" in reverse, but "Gawd" is not "Dawg" in reverse. Almost, but not quite.

Every time I watch television, I swear the commercials seem like they're from another country entirely, maybe even another dimension.

I admit that I am intrigued by the Joe Millionaire show, but only enough to want to watch the last episode.

When is the last time you saw the horizon?

Yesterday I cleaned out the pantry, because it had maggots. I don't even want to think about that any more.


Dear music distributors, I'll make you a deal: How about I don't claim the refund for the price-fixed CDs you've been selling me over the past few years, to which I am entitled after 41 states won this class-action lawsuit against you, and you just ignore the MP3s I've downloaded over those same years?

Apparently in Southern Californians do not use the phrase "nads" or even "nards". What a backwards people. How do they get by?

The following words and phrases have been ruined forever for me:

Lemon Reamer
Pearl Necklace