How to survive a terrorist attack. (Bonus Spot the Typo!) Remember, there's no problem duct tape can't fix.

And on a completely unrelated note, 1moredork presents, courtesy of This Modern World:
How to survive an atom bomb attack.

Since the link to the actual National Infrastructure Protection Center page which houses the handbook in the Reuter's article is broken, I'll happily fix it for you and link it here. Unfortunately, the link from there to the handbook itself is also broken. I hope this helps with any terror attacks!

"That phrase seems to come up a lot in coversation with you."
"What phrase?"
"'I want to stick it in your poop chute'"
"I blame Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back for popularizing that term."
"I think Frank Zappa popularized it first."
"How?"
"As in, 'I want to ram it, ram it, ram it, ram it up your poop chute.'"
"Oh. Well, I don't think Frank Zappa's really a househould name."
"He's more of a crackhousehold name."

I was bleaching my hair the other night. I always try and make it as ridiculously light as possible by getting the highest volume bleach and leaving it on for an hour or so. Usually there is some discomfort, but this time I must've bleached a zit or something, becuase it hurt.

So I drank about a quarter of a bottle of Safeway Select everclear to dull the pain and promptly passed out.

When I woke up the next afternoon my hair had turned totally transparent. From afar I appear bald, but then the sun catches it and refracts the light into the little rainbow halo. Some people here have started worshipping me as the patron saint of Skittles, trance music and gay pride. I've started getting threatening e-mails from St. Sebastian who claims I'm horning in on his gig, but that punk doesn't have anything official, so he can step the hell off.

On the plus side, my bathroom floor has never looked cleaner.

Spot the Typo 4: (AP) Pepsi averts Hip-Hop boycott

It does too rain in Southern California.

Spot the Typo 3: (AP, assuming AP writes the headlines, too) Dusty Baker leaves SF Giants