"She's very attractive."

"Attractive like foxy, sexy, cute, hot, pretty or beautiful?"

"I'd have to say cute."

"So is that 'cute' like puppies and bunnies cute, or 'cute' like you want to fuck her cute?"

"Cute like I want to fuck puppies and bunnies."

I've got dick fever. This is insane, I can't spend the rest of the summer wearing a fan on my crotch, but I just got everything plugged in. Where does the monkey fit in? Umm... Sorry, I'd rather not say.

Good morning, everybody!

Ahhh... isn't the world a wonderful place, so full of life and possibility and wonderful things to see and do and experience? I think so, and I certainly hope you think so, too!

Well, I just wanted to wish you all a great, super, fantastic day before I headed off to my job where I really am making a difference and helping to make these games better! I can't wait to say hello to all my friendly co-workers! I hope your day is just excellent in every single respect!

All right, mustn't keep them waiting now. Toodle-oo!

Editor's note: The author is not himself today. Please bear with us while we work to repair bitterness and sarcasm. Recent experiences have left his sense of negativity damaged. We're going to get this fixed as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.

So I played video games for twelve hours today...

..and for twelve hours yesterday...

and will for 8 hours tomorrow...

...

...wow, the status light on the router is blinking exactly in time to the music...

...

...I'm going to bed now.

I'm being followed. Have I mentioned that I'm being followed? Well.. I am.

At the last temp job I worked, I would occasionally hear, off in the distance, the sound of a musical car horn. I don't recall the tune perfectly, but it was not La Cucaracha as one might expect. It was more... haunting, somehow. As haunting as a melody performed on a car horn can be, I suppose.

Anyhow, I also heard this same horn, off in the distance at home. Now, musical car horns are not terribly odd to hear in my neighborhood, but they usually are La Cucaracha. But I heard this same song, performed in the same fashion, which I chalked up to coincidence.

But today was my first day at my new job, and what did I hear when I was leaving work at 10:00? That same horn, still off the distance, but certainly distinct.

It's like "The Lowrider of the Baskervilles*" or something. Wasn't there an episode of Futurama like this?

* The author only assumes the car is a lowrider, because a spooky lowrider is way more cool than a spooky regular car.

This morning in the shower, I finally figured out the hidden meaning of "sgurd" in Hooverphonic's Battersea. Duh. Seems kind of appropriate.

Now, I am a scientifically-minded person who believes in free will and self-determination and all that good stuff. I don't believe in predestination, but sometimes life has a really funny way of working things out that I become uncertain that it's not scripted. The question is, am I living in a sitcom or a soap opera?

Maybe I'm lving in a reality TV show... Boy, I should really wait until I wake up a little more if I'm going to be posting first thing in the morning.