It's too bad I'm not a girl in a punk band. I could come up with some great all-girl punk band names.

Tampaccident

Vaginormous

Wooly Mammary

Labial Majority

Hugh Jina

Marketing tie-in idea: Chicken Supreme Burreetor

Okay, I'll shut up about the damn toy already. But I mean seriously, if you had one you'd go on and on about it too.

Unofficial Cheetor Feature #2: Besides flipping you off, you can also make Cheetor's head (while in beast mode only, sadly) slide back and forth on it's neck like one of those ladies in the talk show audience when they're telling off the panel members (his mouth even opens and closes while you di it, hee hee). Additionally, thanks to his finger/claw articulation, you can make him point and say, "Silverbolt, you need to dorp that Blackarachnia tramp like a bad habit. You know those Predacon girls ain't no good! Boy, you could do so much better, and you should."

Plus, if you leave his tail in after he transforms into robot mode, it looks like a big 'ol FLAMING ORANGE COCK!

Mid-life crisis toy purchase # 4. So I caved and bought myself the biggest, most ridiculously radical transformer currenlty on Target's shelf; The Supreme Cheetor. Despite soudn like a taco Bell flavor of the week, it is indeed one of the coolest toys ever.

I was convinced that since he's built like an anorexic Manut Bol, he probably wouldn't stand up, by some use of crazy gyrogravitic intertial stabilizer fields he does indeed stand up, although it takes a bit of time to get him just right, you can make him stand in different positions since he is mad articulated. In fact, I counted, and he's got more joints in his legs than I do. Plus even his fingers/claws are articulated, so I imagine that this is indeed the first transformer that can flip you off!

And I mean wow, the dude seriously look slike he could run really fast, jump your ass and beat you down with no hesitation. The designers on this one went balls out for sure. He looks super-wicked and convincing in both beast and robot mode. Even though the only place he could conceivably be camoflauged is in Simba's crack-dream sequence from The Lion King. Plus he shoots fireballs and lights up and stuff.

So yeah, with this and my new NightScream figure, I'm becoming fast convinced that, even though the old Transformers will always hold a special place in my heart, these new toys really are superior. They're actually poseable and look burly in both robot and robot mode, unlike the cars of old, who turned into, quite frankly, gimpy robots that looked nothing like their animated counterparts.

So I don't know if toy-making technology has caught up with the designers ideas, or if the designers just decided that it would be cooler to make toys that were, y'know... rad or what, but if the new line of Japanese car transformers is any indication, then we're in for some phat toys. I only hope those make it over here to the states. I'm gonna go nuts on that shit.

Tire-jerky: The discarded remains of blowouts on the side of the freeway.

Here, in advance, is my professional opinion on everything our president does or says in the next four years.

"What the FUCK? How could he....? but...? everyone knows that won't work! How could he be so damn stupid!!! AGGHHH!!!!! My potted rubber tree plant could run the country better than this shitwit!!!"

I recently spoke with someone from the Netherlands, and yes, everyone else in the wolrd thinks we're super-retarded now. I mean, for the most part we are, but I'm not! *whimper* I want a smart president. *sniff* is that so much to ask?

Have I mentioned that I hate clowns? Somehow this pair are twice as bad. Now, I know I'm not a christian or anythign, but if someone had shoved preachy clowns in my face when I was a kid, I would have been slaughtering cats to the dark lord so fast it would have made your head spin. How do you pick the good side? It's the one without the clowns.

(thanks? to PoE)

So I went and saw that "Emperor's New Groove" last night, let me tell you, shit is weird, yo. Best line in the whole film, "... and then I will KILL YOU!", whcih doesn't sound like much if you haven't seen it, but if you have, you know what I'm talking about. I think the Disney writers just had a bunch of leftover gags from the past five films and just jammed them all into a meso-american plotline thingy and took the rest of the year off. Oddly enough it was pretty good, if forgettable.

Annnnnnnyhow. The point of this post is that while we were leaving the theater and heard "Boss Of Me" over the PA. I had to stop and like, just think about how weird it was to be hearing TMBG playing in public place. AMC theatres of all places! It's like.... like.... like seeing your wife in Playboy!

Thinking about tattoos.

I'm exactly the kind of person who's going to get somethign really crazy tattooed on their arm and then regret it for the rest of my life after 5 months. I can look back on many ideas I thought were absolutely brilliant so-and-so months ago and relaize that it was absolutely stupid. So I've decided that for any permanent alteration, I have to come up with the idea, like it, and then remember and still like it a year later.

So my huge entire-back ideas that I could never possibly do becuase the level of pain involved would make me cry like a girly little weak baby-man are either the periodic table(Hell, as long as those high-school kids are doing me in the ass, they might as well learn something! "But officer, I was just trying to educate him!!!") or the first maze from Pac-Man (which would just be too dorky), or a giant intricate set of scales(which everyone would think relates to my beig a Libra, as opposed to illustrating my Aristotolean philosophies of the happy mean.)

Arm-band ideas include getting a ring of dots, with Pac-Man, but Gabe apparently beat me to it. (I e-mailed him asking if he relaly had that tattoo or if his character does and haven't heard back. Rotten cartoonist bastard.) And I need to make sure that I'm the only one with my tattoo of choice. Also a row of space invaders is on my mind. Or I coudl just go for the hot-chick on my arm thang.

And I don't want to get words written on me, I can say words. And absolutely no characters from a language I don't understand. Writing the character fro "skepticism" in Chinese won't make it any more meaningful. But I won't settle for just a pretty design. My tattoo has to mean somethign important to me that will still be important to me the day I die. This is pretty tough since I'm not a typically passionate person about much. Mostly my dorky nature and scientific philosophies. And science is all about being uncertain. Gak! Maybe I'm making a statement by not having a tattoo? What does that say? I don't like pain? I'm uncommitted? I'm frugal? Whatever, I'm just the kind of hardcore mofo that don't give a shit what people think! Thus my coomplete lack of tattoos. Who are you to judge me? word.

And the first person to suggest this gets a free e-slap to the head.

I actually think it's kind of cute how behind everything Salon is..

This weekend my misison of abandoning my sophistication and maturity led me to buy a deluxe Nightscream. Awwwww yeahhhhh. As much as I love having my robots turn into cars, this guy just looks frickin' wicked in bat form. Positively creepy. His robot form isn't too bad either, expect for his new wave hairdo. I relaly don't know why a robot needs a new-wave hairdo or hair at all for that matter. Now, it wouls have been groovy if they gave him articulated hair that you could comb and braid. Or if Barbie turned into her dream house! Or if boys had vaginas.

ummm...... yeah. it's all about filling in the gaps these days (no pun intended), which is why we have things like this. Man, now that thing looks funkee. Hybrids man, it's all about the El Dorado.

Did that make any sense?

Well, there's nothing that can't be ruined by a healthy dose of christian fundamentalism.

I have to admit, some of them are pretty clever. Of course, that's kind of like saying Jeffrey Dahmer was pretty good at eating people. It doesn't make it any less horrible or wrong if you're good at it. My particular favorites are "Prayin' in the Classroom", "Hey, Hey, We're not Monkeys!", and "Praise Number 5".

Even those twin Quasars of Rock, TMBG were not safe from their grasp.

(thanks? Pec)