Hmm.. I may have been duped. It has come to my attention that the OBJECTIVE: Christian Ministries website (The host of the article mentioned in my last post) may be a complete and total fabrication. Which is rad.

So, here's my limited evidence produced by my lazy research: "Diamond" Jack Holgroth's bio states "He served our country during the Cold War as a Game Theory Tactician for the Department of Defense and single-handedly developed an elegant solution to the "Fisherman's Quandary", a game theory problem that was crucial to the winning of the arms race and that was famously intractable - until Diamond Jack came along. " Well, the only place I can find a refence to this important game theory problem is on the OBJECTIVE web site. One would think that a solution to a problem which helped defuse the cold war would be mentioned at least once. Plus, no one can be that conservatively fundamentalistically stupid... right?

So, the site is a fake site meant to combat the fake Landover Baptist Ministries, and then, by extrapolation, this site is fake too. You know, the more I look into this, the more I realize how much I've been had! Billy Graham? No way can anyone be that crazy. And I really got to hand it to Fred Phelps for taking us all in with that whole Westboro Baptist church gag. That's some funny shit, and to think I thought it was real! That whole bible thing? Yeah right! Like anyone seriously believes that the world was created in seven days. Pffft! How gullible I've been! To think that all this time I've been convinced that there was this whole group of people who believed that every word in this "bible" was completely true. What a fool I've been!

So it's funny, it's still pretty scary becuase there's really not too much difference between sites like that poke fun at fundamentalism and fundamentalism itself.

P.S. In case I am misunderstood, I honestly have no problem with Christianity or religion in general, even Baptism. I only have a problem with aggressive ignorance, hatred and illogic. It's just that sometimes the two can fall in the same camp. Satanism though, now there's a wack-ass religion.


Checking out the Apple, PBS and Pokemon as Satan laugh riot, has led me to a plethora of hilarious links that put the "mental" back in fundamentalist rhetoric. To pick a particularly humorous article, try this one on being a Mall Missionary. Of course, consumerism is the work of the devil (and, according to these folks, so is communism, make up your minds), anyone can see that, but the ways at which this lady tries to prove it are, well... here, just look at these choice bits:

  • "For Secular Consumerism however, a more devious and ironic plan was put into action whereby an existing Christian holiday was co-opted and transformed into the centerpiece for the Secular Consumerism attack on Christianity. That holiday is of course Christmas."
    Yeah, the Christians co-opted Pagan winter solstice celebrations first!
  • On testifying to teens: "Emphasize "coolness" of Jesus and offer "Radical Salvation". Secularized teens usually can't read too well, so hand out colorful stickers instead of pamphlets."
    And try not to get any of their drool on you while handing them colorful stickers. I'm hoping the church offers "Xtreme Baptism" in a pool filled with Mountain Dew!

  • "Infiltrate a mall store by applying for a holiday job. Once you are on the inside, discourage shoppers from buying any of the store's merchandise. If they insist on buying something, slip informative pamphlets in with their purchase."
    This reads more like a geurilla tactics pamphlet for AdBusters than advice on being a missionary.

And her "rhyming logic" for why the stores are so evil sounds more like the 1960's TV Batman trying to figure out one of the Riddler's conundrums rather than any attempt at rational thought.

  • "'Darth Maul': Commercialized symbol of evil whose name sounds like 'mall'. Coincidence?"
  • "Cinnabon - Sounds like 'Sin Upon'. "

    "Hey, my cinnamon roll's been sinned upon! ...Oh, no wait, it's only frosting."
  • "Sears - What the flesh of the damned does in Hell. It also sounds like 'seers', Pagan mystics who engaged in occult premonitions."
    Yeah, it probably has nothing to do with the fact that one of the original founders was named Sears.

Anyhow, mocking this is like beating up a pillow. Check it out for yourself. For added fun try any of the banner ads for Good Christian Businesses, where you can buy Christian stuff, which is okay, because it's not in a mall.

Oh wow, oh wowy wow...Bazooka Jesus. I kid you not. If it isn't already, that'd be a great name for a band.



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I have 3 whole offices and a room of cubicles to myself. The person I am personally assisting is gone much of the time. One office is completely empty, and has a length and width which in both regards is greater than twice my height. So, I am going to practice handstands. My goal is to be able to stay up for ten seconds by the end of next week.


Well apparently a couple went to the prom in a duct tape outfit (No it was not directly applied onto their bodes(Yes, that would make an effective chastity prom dress)). However, outfits made of duct tape are old news, as site will show.

If I'd known about that contest when I was a high school senior, I would have so created a suit from duct tape. As it was I did put together my own outift, with help from my girlfriend of the time, from thrift store discoveries. I still have the jacket.

Maybe I watched MacGyver too much when I was a kid, butI'm becoming more and more convinced that there are few things duct tape cannot be used for. From prom dresses to to handcuffs to bicycle handles to bikini waxes. It's perfect for the guy who wants to pretend he knows something about being handy, but really is just limited to knowing the difference between a flathead and Philip screwdriver (Pssst. The Philip head is the one that's not flat). I am one myself. The process for fixing anything at all that doesn't work is as follows:

  1. Blow on it.
  2. Smack it.
  3. Take it apart, blow on it and put it back together.
  4. Spray WD-40 in it.
  5. Wrap it in duct tape.
  6. If it still doesn't work, it's broken for good, throw it out.


So of course I read Penny Arcade this morning. And of course I followed the link to the Brick Testament, and I do enjoy seeing really bizarre things on the web, but what the hell?!

Admittedly, I had two thoughts about seeing this portion of the bible lego-fied:

  1. Why would anyone decide to make the instructions for slaves into a Lego diorama?
  2. Where did he get brown minifigs and 'fro headpiece?

Other high points include the rating system, which has a symbol for "nudity", and the Lego man and wife slarving each other's crotches. At least it represents the less tasteful portions of the good book as well. Of course this whole project is all brilliantly tongue-in-cheek. I refuse to accept the fact that it may not be tongue-in-cheek, for that would make my mind implode.


Even if they were all running at the same time.

There's nothing like mixing into the next-door naighbors banda music.