4-wing dinosaur thing: awesome.

You know, if I were the grand marshal of paleontology, and I find public interest to be flagging, I'd just make up a bitchin' dinosaur and have the forensic illustrators cook me up some press-kit drawings. I mean, who going to tell me I'm wrong? Other paleontologists? Pffft, not if I'm the grand marshal!

It's a good day when all your junk mail is actually in the junk mail folder.

It was only a matter of time: Harry Potter E. Why take a chance on being busted for drug charges alone when you can also risk copyright infringement?

Combine one of those with the infamous HP flying broomstick (which I note has been discontinued) and it's like.. fuckin'... Wingardium Leviosa, man.

Next thing you know, it'll be little ring-shaped pills with Elvin inscriptions on them...

(Link from The Smoking Gun.)

Okay, here we go. Since I wasn't nominated in any of the categories, I'm starting my campaign right now for the following possible Anti-Bloggy Awards categories: Sour Grapes Over Not Being Nominated for a Bloggy, and Most Shameless Whoring for an Anti-Bloggy.

First of all, here's my sour grapes over not being nominated for Best-Kept Secret. I propose that all contestants should submit their average daily page hits, or the amount of links to their site. Only if their daily hits or amount of links beats mine should they be allowed to win. Of course, this begs the question: "What about those people who get even less hits than you, Ken?" Well, their sites suck ass, that's why no one visits them. Mine is terrific, it's just hat only the coolest people come here. Not to mention the fact that any blog nominated for this category should not win, since it's obviously achieved a healthy amount of recognition.

And as for not being nominated in the Most Humorous Weblog: Well, I may not currently be funnier than LYD or Davezilla or the rest of those nominated, but I've got something that will clinch me the category next year for sure! If you are prepared, read on, and witness the awesome might of my humor!

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

Ha! Beat that, suckas!

Well, that's pretty much all the evidence I need. It's not enough that he's screaming to invade Iraq when all the other countries, and a significant percentage of the American people are telling him to shut the fuck up and chill, or that he plans to invade Iraq because Saddam's a dick and may have some undeclared weapons, while Kim Jong Il is a dick who has declared nuclear weapons, the major difference being that North Korea doesn't really have a lot of oil. Now he's offering huge tax breaks to buyers of SUVs, the ridiculously huge vehicles which use up the most oil-based products. Bush is only concerned with putting as much money as possible into the pockets of the oil companies.

Yeah yeah, I know: duh. Everyone knows that Bush is primarily concerned with making rich people richer, but at least he could pretend to give a shit about the average American. Okay you know what? Forget it. He'd never convince anyone that he did care anyways. At this point he may as well wear a long black cape at his press conferences, sit upon a throne constructed from the skulls of welfare mothers, and laugh manaically after each statement ("There will be serious consequences for any Iraqi general or soldier who were to use weapons (sic) on our troops or on innocent lives... BWAH HA HA HA HAAA!!!!") punctuating each reamrk by firing a beam of pure cancer into the crowd of journalists from the giant ruby atop his spiked metal sceptre. At least the press conferences would then be entertaining to watch.

Seriously though, if he's going to be a malevolent dictatator, he should play the part. Saddam and Kim Jong Il have got their acts down. Kim with his blatant alcoholism, film buffery, and ability to send an entire employee's family to prison for the simple transgression of leaving a cigarette in his personal ashtray. Saddam has the whole para-military garb thing going on, and that cop 'stache gives him an air of authority. Bush, well... he looks kind of like a weenie. I don't blame Saddam for trying to convince the Iraqi people that they have a chance against the U.S. forces. If Bush is the face of American military might, I wouldn't be that intimidated either.

How are we supposed to scare our enemies into submission at the power awesome empire if our leader dresses up in suits and looks, and this has been proven time and time again, like a monkey? Most of the rest of the world has been given their image of America by our meddling in their affairs and sending them Hollywood movies. SInce there's no way we can pass ourselves of as John Wayne heroes anymore, we may as well go the other route, but Bush doesn't even come close to meeting the expectation set by our Hollywood villians. Maybe we should have all of our threats to Saddam delivered by Gary Oldman or Christopher Lee.

Even if Bush isn't willing to go the whole Ming the Merciless route, he could at least make speeches flanked by two big dudes in dark sunglasses toting machine guns, instead of just having more old white guys standing around him.

And that's why tax break on SUVs are wrong.

Even though a Bloggy sounds like what happens when you so sick that you vomit up gobs of your own phlegm that you've swallowed, I want one. It's not enough that I was the Super Fabulous Big Blogger #1. I want more! More, dammit!

I'm hoping for Most Humorous weblog, Best-Kept Secret Weblog or Best Heterosexual Weblog. What? There is no Best Heterosexual Weblog category? I'm shocked! Maybe I should boycott these proceedings which clearly practice sexual orientation discrimination!

Well, It's a good thing I don't have to worry about accepting any prizes from this heterophobic organization. Maybe I can pick up an Anti-Bloggy for Most Whiny or Biggest Sense of Entitlement or Most Tangentially Involved With Big-Name Bloggers.

Barring Bloggies and Anti-Bloggies, I hope I at least win a Blumpy.