I was bleaching my hair the other night. I always try and make it as ridiculously light as possible by getting the highest volume bleach and leaving it on for an hour or so. Usually there is some discomfort, but this time I must've bleached a zit or something, becuase it hurt.

So I drank about a quarter of a bottle of Safeway Select everclear to dull the pain and promptly passed out.

When I woke up the next afternoon my hair had turned totally transparent. From afar I appear bald, but then the sun catches it and refracts the light into the little rainbow halo. Some people here have started worshipping me as the patron saint of Skittles, trance music and gay pride. I've started getting threatening e-mails from St. Sebastian who claims I'm horning in on his gig, but that punk doesn't have anything official, so he can step the hell off.

On the plus side, my bathroom floor has never looked cleaner.


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