I was just clicking around to make sure that no other Terminator movies were in production and I found the cast listing for the upcoming film "Around the World in 80 Days", which, judging by the cast alone, looks to be either a really awesome, or completely ill-conceived film. A partial list of the most notable cast members follows:

Kathie Bates
Jackie Chan
John Cleese
Sammo Hung
Johnny Knoxville
Rob Schneider
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Owen & Luke Wilson

Is this based on the book? Is it a modern version of Cannonball Run?

Oh yeah, and Terminator 3 sucked cybernetic balls from the future. The first half hour of the film is spent explaining why everything that happened in the last movie was pointless, and the rest of the movie was dedicated to being sucky. Admittedly a whole lot of very interesting utility vehicles were destroyed in the primary car chase sequence, which was all well and good, but the plot and the characters, while not as important in an action movie, were pretty pathetic. Once the T-X started inflating her breasts, it became pretty clear that the film was not going to release the audience from a stranglehold of suck. Oh and the inflating breasts thing didn't even have a point. I guess she just wanted to give the cop who pulls her over a little thrill before killing him, which she coudl have done just as easily without inflating her breasts. Or maybe the T-X has advanced humor subroutines. I don't know, and I'm not about to start making excuses for this movie.

The action sequences were as over-the-top as expected and managed to wreck multiple cop cars, an ambulance, a fire engine, a crane, a hearse, a big rig, many sedans, a oversized pick-up truck, a motorcycle, two helicopters, a couple sports cars, and everything but this one really, really, really tough mini pick-up/veterinary ambulance. So as far as the vehicular body-count goes, it delivers. However, the situations in which characters place themselves and the decisions they make, not to mention the continuity errors that insult even the intelligence of the average Schwarzenegger film devotee.

The other only worthwhile scene is when Arnold needs to get his clothes and swipes them from an effeminate go-go dancer in a strip joint, then dons the stripper's Elton John-esque glasses. Sadly, the whole joke is ruined by him subsequently discarding and trodding upon them, as though to say, "Not only does camp not suit my persona, but it must be destroyed." What a bitch, although I do find it strange that the T-101 comes pre-programmed with fashion sense (but not a popularized catch-phrase expiration date analyzer, as he appropriates the familiar standby "Talk to the hand." from the stripper, which might have been funny in what... 1998? He might as well have spouted out "Where's the beef?").

Someone needs to send a cyborg back in time to stop this movie from being made. I would happily vote for Schwarzenegger as governor of California if it meant that he would be too busy to make Terminator 4. The only thing it has in common with the first two movies is Arnold and the character names. It utterly failed to meet even my typically low expectations.


Post a Comment

<< Home