Dang it, the leader of PETA stole my idea! Except she's doing it to make a point of the inconsideration that people give the animals from which their products come, whereas I thought it would simply be gross and weird to have myself cooked after I died.

It's the one thing you get that's all for you. Birthdays happen every year, and you have to share the glory of a wedding with someone else, but a funeral is totally and completely dedicated to oneself, and you only get one. Once I start getting to be about that age, I'm going to plan out every detail of my funeral, from the catering to the DJ to the pyrotechnics. In case I die before then, I will leave this one simple instruction: People must leave my funeral thinking, "That was the most awesome funeral I have ever been to. I wish Ken would die again so that we could have another."

While I'm pondering it, here are some epitaphs I'd like to see on my own personal tombstone:

Help!

BRB

Ahhhhh....

Oh my god, why didn't I accept Jesus into my heart?!! The lake of fire burns me so!!! Ha ha, just kidding.

ISO SWF Necrophiliac

Game Over