Unwritten screenplays:

Split Fighter - Jean-Claude Van Damme stars in this story of heroism, dedication, and revenge. When he hears of his brother's tragic demise in a brutal Swedish split fighting tournament, JCVD breaks his parole to travel to Sweden, where he is introduced to his uncle, a wizened old split-fighting trainer. At first, his uncle is reluctant to train him, after what happened to his brother, but after witnessing JCVD save a sassy reoprter (who came to Sweden to expose the brutal nature of the country's splitfighting tournaments), he agrees to make him into a splitfighting chamiopn. Thus follows about an hour of JCVD doing the splits while suspended from ropes, on top of sawhorses, atop barrels, in his boxers, upside down, suspending himself in hallways, atop ruined ancient temples, on a motorcycle, and in bamboo-torture-forced-split machines, JCVD enters the tournament to challenge the splitfighting master who killed his brother. In order to win, JCVD must challenge the master in the "ancient style", wherein neither can stop doing the splits for even one second.

Shower Chase - American scientists have developed the first shower which can exceed speeds of 140 mph. Powered only by sexy soapy washing, it can be driven only by the world's hottest supermodels. A foreign supermodel/catburglar steals the production model and immediately sheds her clothes, sexily soaping up and piloting the shower out of the facility. Fortunately, the hot supermodel scientist who developed the shower is able to strip and chase after her in the protype model. The rest of the movie is just intercut scenes of the supermodels washign themselves and the showers yowling down city streets and crashing through plate-glass windows, oh and cars exploding.

Punk Fu (or maybe MoonStomp) - An exaggerated retelling of the punks/mods/skinheads/whatever culture clash of the 70's, the mods and skinheads conflict with one another in grandiose martial-arts street battles, but then find reason to work together to defeat the National Front, who are trying to stop the asian immigration. Naturally, a few Shaolin monks who are coming to the country teach the real skinheads some high-flying kung fu, and awesomeness ensues. Features include not only deadly sharpened liberty spikes, but ninja button-throwing action, and radical scooter chases. Needs some fleshing out plot-wise, but it's really a high-concept piece. You can't go wrong with mods and punks kung-fu fighting, not to mention the awesome soundtrack it's gonna have.


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