Many time I've driven along 101, seen the sign for Malibu Grand Prix go-karts, and thought that I'd have to try that sometime, but I never did. Until Sunday, that is, when Ami took me on a surprise Ken Adventure Day journey. She thought I had totally figured out where we were going, but she didn't count on my uncannily crappy sense of direction!

So I was actually surprised, and pleasantly so. The only other go-kart experience I had had is when I was camping up near Russian River, and went to this backwoods hillbilly amusement park called Three-Toed Bob's Fun Zone, or something like that, which was run mostly by high-schoolers who really didn't give a flying fuck what you did with the Go-Karts so long as you didn't actually flip them, and so we all got to go at once and clip each other and whatnot.

The Grand-Prix go-karts at Malibu were much faster than the ones at Russian River, and required a driver's license to operate. They had piddly little bumper car ones, too, but forget that. Unfortunately, at Malibu, the karts do not get to all be on the track at once and race each other, they must go one at a time. I don't think Ami or myslef really pushed the karts to their limit, since the turns were all very tight, and though they have an extremely small turn radius, it is not what I am used to, so I admit I had some trepidation about going too fast, apparently you can get them up there, though. I would have preferred more straightaways, but then I guess peopel actually would go fast, and that would mean liability city.

The mini-golf course there was pretty ass. They had three courses which consisted of pretty much the same five holes repeated over and over again. They should have just concentrated their efforts on making one really good golf course, but I guess the number of unattended children running around with complete disregard for the code of mini-golf conduct or for general good behavior would just render any efforts at somethign classy worthless in a day. There wasn't even real grass. It was all patchy shredded green outdoor carpeting.

One day I shall open a mini-golf course that is indoors and well-lit. Every hole will have its own theme which corresponds to the nature of the hole, such as a model train which carries your ball from one place to another. All the environments will be finely detailed, the foliage all real andwell-cared for, and there will be lots of motion with windmills and waterfalls and whatnot. And if there are any of those goddamn holes which sit on a raised area, then the hole will be twice as big so it's not imfuckinpossible.

Luckily, Ami and I didn't need a classy joint to enjoy ourselves, so we pretty much gave up on real mini-golf, since it was too windy, and the ground was all unueven and coated with torn carpeting. Instead we opted for the go-to-whichever-hole-doesn't-have-anyone-playing-it method and whacked our balls around with impunity. Yeah, that's right, impunity. After all, there was no rule stating that you couldn't do that, so oh well.

Afterwards we went and saw The Italian Job, which was quite clever, especially for starring two former rappers, both of whom acted well. I think Marky Mark has really redeemed himself. He must cringe any time he hears "Good Vibrations", or "Funk You" these days. One thing I was wondering about safe-cracking, which happens a couple of times int his movie, is that if there are safes that necessitate being cracked by hand (and ear), why not have a built-in white noise generator turn on every time the combination wheel is activated? That way the safecracker will not be able to hear what's going on mechanically inside the safe. Seems simple to me.

Mini Coopers win the "Best Product Placement" award, although I guess it is only just, since the originals were featured in the original as well.

Also we went to Well-Within in Satna Cruz to enjoy a hot tub and sauna. I'd never been in a sauna before, but I'd heard they were really hot, and it's true! Well Within is pretty damn calming. You get a room with both a suana, and outdoor hot tub with a teeny-tiny little personal japanese garden. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............

Yesterday I watched Dog Soldiers. It was like if Masterpiece Theatre had remade Aliens and Evil Dead with werewolves. It helps if you understand English English when you watch it though.

I ate waffles for breakfast today.


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