2Fast 2Furious - Neither Fast nor Furious enough. There were two or three worthwile car stunts, most notably the part where the sports car gets totally run over by a big rig, and another where this one car is jumping over a drawbridge, but then this other car jumps over the first car, both of which were given away in the preview, the other, a car jumping onto a boat, was done before in Jackie Chan's First Strike.

The main problem with the film is, of course, the big Vin Diesel-shaped hole in the cast, which has been hastily plugged with a bunch of unappealing minor characters, most notably Benihah heiress-turned crappy actress Devon Aoki as Suki (pronounced "Sucky"), who can't even manage to deliver the line "Smack that ass!" convincingly.

However, watching the two lead characters rhetorically lick each other's nutsacks was pretty entertaining. It was more of a fuck-buddy movie than a buddy-cop movie, from playful wrestling to general jealous cattiness, it had all the earmarks of a great man-on-man romance story. If only the studio had had the balls to simply have the leads get it on with each other in the passenger seat of an Evo and finally make the gay action movie that I'm waiting for. Hell, they wouldn't even have to change the title, I think "2Fast BiCurious" would be too much of a dead giveaway. Even the taglines require very little manipulation:

If lines must be crossed... If shirts must be torn... Do it fast, do it furious
When the sun goes down, another world comes to life.
Live life 8 inches at a time.
How fast do you like it?

Yyyyyyeah. So a plea to the Fast and Furious creators: Drop the whole hyper-macho cocky hi-octane action buddy-cop crap (I'm willing to bet that Bad Boys 2 will prove superior on all counts) and make a gay hyper-macho cocky hi-octane gay action movie already! There appear to be only gay romantic comedies and gay dramas. Even the gay romantic comedies have drama. However, lacking in all gay films, whatever the genre, is car chases, which is something that desperately needs changing. Once the American public sees that a gay dude can do a handbrake 180 turn and flip a car into reverse doing 110mph, only then will homosexuals begin to be perceived as equals. Mark my words, the year that a gay man skydives from an exploding plane on the silver screen is the year that the U.S. will allow same-sex civil unions, and the Fast and Furious franchise is in a position to make it happen.