Television:

I watched about 5 minutes of American Idol. I guess it's alright, except for the singing. Also, it doesn't seem like the judges ever offer any constructive criticism or advice. How are these wannabes supposed to improve their act if the only feedback they get is, "That was just terrible." Hell, I could be a judge on that show. I can be unhelpful and bitchy as well as any of their current panel.

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Currently a police pursuit is being broadcast live. I prefer the Voyeur's Digest version of World's Scaries Police Chases. This chase is taking forever. I tuned in about an hour and a half into it. The commentators have pretty much run out of thigns to say about the chase at this point.

Lady Announcer: So do we know if the right front tire is flat?
Man Announcer: I'm not sure, but that left rear tire certainly is. If his right front tire is flat, he's in a lot of trouble. That's a front-wheel drive car.
LA: Yes, that's an Intrepid isn't it?
MA: Yup, seems to be an Intrepid. Good thing for him he's going slow so his axles won't catch on fire.
LA: Yeah I'm surprised it's still going.
MA: Yeah, that's a pretty good car.
LA: Yup.
MA: Yup, sure is.
(Pause)
LA: So uh... How much time do you think a police officer spend training for this stuff?

Etc. etc. They are also chastising the people on the overpass for stopping their cars and peering over the edge to watch, running to the other side when the suspect passes underneath. "They seem to think this is entertainment. This isn't a spectator sport."

Like Hell it isn't. If it's not entertainment, why am I watching it on Fox right now? If I had a willing accomplis, I would absolutely start a pool on how long before he gets captured, and I knowo for sure someone else must be betting on it right now. It's an endurance test. Nobody ever gets away from the cops. There's no Pay N' Spray in reality. It's just like the Romans watching the Lions eat the Christians. How long is he going to go before he wrecks or gets pinched? (Ooh, the commentators just referred to the two suspects involved as "Dumb and Dumber"! Does that expression predate the film? I have no idea.) Everyone knows their not going to make it, but a secret dark part of their heart is rooting for them. Maybe it's just me Now they're speculating on the suspects jail charges and sentences.)

People in SoCal keep pagers on their person that let them know instantly whenever a police chase has started, so that they may find their favorite local news affiliate and keep tabs. I'd be extremely disappointed if I were pulled away from something for this, though. Criminy, it's still going! I think that if someone has already committed themselves to a police chase, they almost have a responsibility to step it up and give the people at home something to watch. It's like a real live Running Man. I mean, it's probably the last thing you're going to be able to do for awhile, might as well go for it.

Ohp! It's over. They've decided to just give it up, seeing as how they had no tires left. Now I'm getting the director's commentray version of the arrest process. Very fascinating. This is Chevy Chase's neighborhood they're in which they're being busted, I learn. Not entertainment indeed. Who do they think they're fooling?

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Holy Cow, what is the UPN weathergirl wearing?

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Ah, a slow zoom into a shot of Michael Jackson's face. There's my nightmare juice for the evening.

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Extreme Dating? Who are these people?

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Ah, soft-core Showtime porn. Like diet soda, this is.

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Leno: "Blix finally found the smoking gun. The smoking gun... Turns out it was in Phil Spector's house! Pow!"

I sure hope that if I am ever murdered, I am immortalized in a talk show warm-up act.

This is our primary cultural export here, folks. This is our face to the world.